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Why Breaking a Promise Damages Trust · Rules, Reasons, and Results · promises · trust

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Why Breaking a Promise Damages Trust

with Philo

Philo sits cross-legged on a sunny park bench, carefully tying a friendship bracelet while two children nearby argue — one holding an empty lunchbox where a promised sandwich should have been.

Explain what a promise is and why it creates an expectation someone else depends on.
Identify at least two ways breaking a promise can harm the person who trusted you.
Predict how keeping or breaking a promise changes the trust between two people over time.
Compare situations where a promise was kept versus broken and describe the different outcomes.

Key terms

Promise: A deal where you say you will do something.
Counting on you: When someone makes plans trusting your promise.
Broken trust: The let down feeling when a promise breaks.
Following through: Actually doing the thing you promised.

A Promise Is A Deal

A promise is more than just words. When you promise, the other person starts counting on you. They might make plans, tell their friends, or stop worrying, all because they trust you. If your friend promises to save your seat, you walk slowly instead of rushing. The promise changed what your friend did. That is why keeping it really matters to them.

The Marble Jar Of Trust

Trust is like a jar of marbles between two people. Each time you keep a promise, you drop a marble in and the jar fills up. Each time you break one, a marble falls out. If you break promises often, the jar empties and people stop counting on you. Keeping your word, marble by marble, is how you stay someone others can trust.

Worked examples

You promised to help but cannot make it.

Notice you truly cannot keep the promise today, maybe because you are sick.
Tell the person as soon as you can and explain why, then say sorry.

Answer: Telling them early and honestly cannot undo the broken promise, but it shows you still care and keeps the jar from losing every marble at once.

When you make a promise, you are not just saying words — you are making a deal. The other person hears your promise and starts counting on it. They might make plans, tell other people, or stop worrying because they trust you will follow through. Think about this: your friend promises to save you a seat at lunch. You do not rush, because you trust them. But when you arrive, the seat is gone. Now you are left standing, and something else is happening too — you feel let down. That feeling has a name: broken trust. Trust is like a jar of marbles. Every time you keep a promise, you drop a marble in. Every time you break one, a marble falls out. If you break promises often, the jar gets empty and people stop counting on you. Here is the important idea: breaking a promise does not just disappoint someone for a moment. It changes what they believe about you. The next time you promise something, they will wonder, "Will this person really do it?" That doubt is the damage. Sometimes things go wrong and you truly cannot keep a promise. What should you do? Tell the person as soon as possible and explain why. That honesty does not erase the broken promise, but it shows you still care about them. It keeps the jar from losing every marble at once.

Activity

Sort each event card into one of three jars: 'Trust Grows' (promise kept), 'Trust Shrinks' (promise broken), or 'Trust Protected' (promise broken but you were honest right away)

Practice

Describe a promise someone kept that made you happy.

Tell what you would do if you could not keep a promise.

Common mistakes to avoid

Breaking a promise only hurts for a moment.It also changes what people believe about whether they can trust you.

Check your understanding

Mia promises to bring Maya a book tomorrow. Maya stops looking for the book herself because she trusts Mia. Why does this make Mia's promise important?

Carlos broke a promise to his friend twice in one week. Now his friend does not believe Carlos's new promise. What best explains why?

Sofia could not keep her promise because she had to go to the hospital. She called her friend right away to explain. What is MOST likely to happen to their trust?

Recap

A promise is a deal that others count on, so keeping it matters. Trust is like a marble jar that fills when we keep promises and empties when we break them. If something goes wrong, telling the truth early protects trust.

Reflect

What promise would you like to keep carefully this week?